K-town Trip

It’s cha boi. I ain’t got much to say but gonna post anyway. I’m back in the dirty dirty and fuck its hot. It was 96 here today. Makes ur balls moist. I feel like hopping in a canoe and capsizing another boat, arrrrgghhh me maity.

I had some classic times on this last trip home. One was definitely when me and Andrew got some free beer at UW. Your boi wants to take the booze back to the car but good ol’ Andrew suggests that we crack one open in the dark of night. We use a small wall to open the bottles and end up hitting the shaft (no homo) and busting the fucker wide open. I start bleeding like a bitch. We walk around for another hour before we decide that I have to hit up the emergency room.

The ER was straight ridiculous. If want to see some crazy shit just head to an emergency room at two in the morning. One thing that happened was that they haul around a snack cart every night. It made its stop where we were so we got some food. While we were waiting to pay some dirty looking dude with a long beard starts chattin us up like Andrew at a prom. The thing is I look down and dude is holding a cathoder, its a bag to hold your pee and it has a cord straight to your dick. How about that for approach anxiety. The dude just talks us up while holding his own toilet. Gangster.

Another classic moment was the first night Haik was back at Lewie’s. I show up a lil late and Andrew, Haik, Lew, and Mr .Kizanis have been hitting the Ciroc (Its’ Cir Roc, Hova) pretty hard. We start doing shots and Haik gives some good words from the heart. The funniest shit though is seeing Andrew fuck with Lew’s dad. First of all, Mr. K has some teriyaki and is like you guys can have a little if you want and the next thing you see is Andrew and Lew’s dad in the corner sharing the whole fucking thing. It was cute, like a date. A few more drinks later and Andrew is at it again. He talking to Dennis and says something like “Nothing quite like threesomes huh.” Lew’s dad is like, “wait a minute there, you better watch who you’re talking about and not cross the line.” Obviously trying to be as stern as possible but Andrew is unphased. Andrew’s like, with the that goofy fucking smile,” I approach the line may even straddle it, but I don’t cross it.” Classis stuff, you had to be there.

In the end, we all know that it’s special when we all can get together. It’s a special feeling you get, no homo, when we’re all hanging out and carrying 3 feet tall champaigne bottles. And I know we’re all getting older and K-town may not be what it used to be. Nevertheless, seeing Dex walk in public with his jeans around his ankles, seeing Andrew make out with some chick after meeting her boyfriend 15 minutes before, watching some “Where you going, when you leaving, how ya getting there with Lew, and telling Haik to suck these motherfucking nuts while grabbing my balls, haha love you, it’s always worth it.

One Love.

The Great Venues of Kirkland and the Greater Seattle Area

(I wrote this post a while back but check it out.)

So ur boi has been privileged absolutely privileged to spend the last week or so in k-town. Needless to say, he has no idea how someone can live here. Beyond the shady characters , who we all know and love, the places to go to our shitty. Prolly the highlight of the trip so far has been watching the Deion Sanders show on Oxygen. Yeah, I fucking said it. Oxygen. But the show is hilarious check it out. But I’m going to go thru some of my favorite venues in k-town.
First up is Time Out, the place I went to last night. Time Out is a typical bar in downtown k-town with pool tables and a lil dance floor. The fucked up thing is that prolly 90 percent of the dudes there are on steroids. These dudes have hair growing on their dicks. These motherfuckers look like they went to the tanning salon, then 24 hour fitness, chugged some muscle milk, and then fucking jogged to Time Out. The girls there are hot but ma’s look real fake. No doubt , anal first night. But not really the friendliest bunch.


Next up will be Fremont. We went there last Friday. Shit was pretty cool. There were lots of places to go. People seemed a lot more normal and there was a dude selling hot dogs on the street with cream cheese on them, no homo. The only issue that night was that we had the winner of Iron Chief with us. That’s right Matt “marinate yo ass” Po. When we pick Matt up, I am informed by him and Lew that Mattew’s mother would be willing to drive us there and pick us up. So of course I’m all down but we decided to ditch Mrs. Po (she prolly ended up getting slammed by Mr. Po anyways) and head off to Fremont.


Matt is born with a gift. It is not something you can acquire, but it is something etched into your DNA when the sperm meets the egg. That gift is to kill you buzz. Lewie was the first to make this observation. After Matt had shared his gift with us and decimated a conversation, Lew said have you guys ever heard of the character on family guy called Buzz Killington. Well I’ve met the real life version.


I will end my venues with a place dear to my heart. Teriyaki Plus, T-Plus, TP called by few. I really couldn’t bring myself to go to the establishment in March after hearing that some soulless bastards had bought the place prolly with money that they got from whoring out there mother and daughters and changed the food. I mean TP has a deep history with me. It is where Lew would tell me everything that Haik told him not to say, classic Lew. Anyways, I decided to try it out and with an open mind. I decided to give it a chance. First of all, the chicken bowl on the lunch menu was 4.99 with no drink. I almost slapped the bitch behind the counter. Whatever, I’m here and got it. Then I had some of the food. Want to toss that shit all over the floor. Like pour my fucking food out on the floor little by little so that I could get little rice and broke ass chicken all over the fucking restaurant.

One Love.

Dior Glasses for $200

AND HERE'S A LINK TO THE PHOTOS FROM LAST WEEKEND:
http://gallery.mac.com/dex_grant#100227